two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
