I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
