Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
