I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
