I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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