Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
