I got chris browned last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
