There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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