There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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