Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
