what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
