And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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