He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
