I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
