My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
