Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
