totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
