I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
