Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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