Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
