Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he wants to bone in the snuggie
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
