You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
