also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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