i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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