Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
