So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
