please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
