I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
