Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
