If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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