Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
