4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
