He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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