his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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