garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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