so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
