guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
