there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
