need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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