I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do vagina's smell?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
