so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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