Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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