And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
