Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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