we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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