That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
