Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
