It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
