I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
