I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
