I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize