The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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