if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
