Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are the jesus of drinking
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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